for a moment, aya couldn’t feel the overbearing weight of pretending to be something other than herself. it was relieving, to say the least, but just as uncomfortable as pretending to be normal. still, she couldn’t help the minor excitement that the feeling came with. her smile is less curated, more natural. though she could discern that bella was just being polite, it was definitely the change of pace that she desired.
aya could see why others were initially interested in her. bella made people comfortable – or maybe she just made aya comfortable.
“i guess… just sitting around cheerleaders all the time can get a little frustrating.” a lie. there she went again. any moment of joy was diminished by her own natural faults. why didn’t she just tell the truth? it’s not as though bella would care that aya wanted friends. it seems bella was doing the same thing, in any case. her smile lessens a little, she mentally beats herself as she takes a bite of an apple slice.
“besides, have you seen these tables? talk about overpopulation…” she nods to the closest table to them. “theatre kids.” she feigns a small laugh, but it’s quick to fade. “it’s a little easier to collect yourself when you aren’t surrounded by so many voices.”
there was nothing to be asked of her, and nothing to ask for. and maybe that was what made this so easy. some of her friends may have stopped talking to her, and others often try to pull her back in, but aya’s right – it is easier to collect yourself when you’re alone. and that’s just been something bella’s been frequently occupied with; like doing mental mathematics, looking for solutions for over-complicated problems that really would be no use solved, or unsolved. it was a loop she was conscious of being caught in, though maybe you could call this the first step out. trying something, engaging something – no pressure. the politeness comes naturally, the motivation is what’s a blessing.
❛ – everyone has their good selves and bad selves. or, i guess, interesting and boring selves. ❜ her gaze also scans over the room, observing the clusters. ❛ at least they all stick together, i guess. there’s still room for someone to stand alone, if they wanted too. usually, that’s my case. definitely makes it a bit easier to think. ❜ she shrugs her shoulders, soft smile dancing on her lips as she looks back to the girl.
