edward.
“ –STOP. ” he doesn’t want to HEAR. he doesn’t want to know about what she’s DONE. what she’s GONE through. he doesn’t want to know how she’s lived WITHOUT him for fear of her PREFERENCE for it. worse, her preference for HIM. he HEARS her. he hears how she REFUTES him – he cannot begin to AGREE, to think that she’s RIGHT, that she needs him. she DOESN’T, she cannot be DEPENDENT on him for her HAPPINESS when all he has done is bring her PAIN. “ LISTEN to yourself. this … this is a DISEASE, bella. i am a SICKNESS to you. that you can’t let yourself be HAPPY without me is WRONG. i can’t be your ONLY source of joy. i CAN’T. ” he grabs her by the arms, holds her to STEADY, to look at her, so she can SEE. “ i LOVE you so much. there are not enough WORDS in any language for me to CONVEY the depth of my absolute DEVOTION to you. but i REFUSE to keep you here. i REFUSE to kill you like this. ”

she can’t WIN —— she says one thing, he REBUKE’S it, challenges it and fights it with his ever-consistent ability to speak ELOQUENTLY. how is she ever going to stand her ground?? will he ever end his DOUBT, or has she broken him so far as to set such a thing on autoplay —— leaving him in a place of repetition of uncertainty??? ❛ NO – no, YOU STOP ——– ❜ she begins, trying to be STRONG with her words, though her tone is as shaky as her whole body; unstable, frightened of loss. ❛ i KNOW what i’m like without you. i know that i can LIVE. i know that i can function. i could — go to work and eat and sleep but it’s all just this CYCLE of wondering, is everything going to ever move past this line of ‘ JUST FINE ‘ ??? i THOUGHT that’d be better for me; i thought – maybe ——- i could be just HUMAN and accept that. AND I WAS RIGHT – i could! but i’m not happy. i can’t be happy. i can’t love. everything is dull ——— please, edward, ❜ she begins to beg in her cries —- for what, exactly? she isn’t sure. maybe for peace. maybe for him to be quiet and wrap his arms around her. just for anything EXCEPT his refusal. ❛ please – please ——— ❜
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